Ghosts of Sirius Black
by Beatlebug
Summary: After Sirius dies, Remus has his own way of processing his grief. In his lover's old bedroom, he remembers better times..  My first Songfic ever written. Eventhough I really don't like this moment, the song made me think of it.


This is my first songfic ever written, so please be kind :P

When I bought the Katzenjammer cd, it didn't take long before I could think of no one else but our puppies, hearing these songs! I recommend youtube to check out the original version.  
I hope you like it, please let me know! 

Of course I do not own any rights. :-(.

**Beta: **Shout in a Whisper (Thank you sooo much!)

**Summary:** After Sirius fell through the veil and the order returns to Grimmauld Place 12 one last time, Remus does not feel like sharing his grief with the others.  
He goes up to Sirius' old room to recall to better memories..

**Song:** Katzenjammer – Virginia Clemm

Empty_**,**_ that was the word. Quiet. They had returned to the headquarters, one last time_**, **_ and all was quiet and empty. His spirit no longer made the place he hated so much into a smile**. **His cheerful character would no longer brighten it up.

Remus left the kitchen and all the tears in there. It was not the way he wanted to be reminded of him… So he went upstairs, until his fingers met that name, carved into a wooden door.

_Sirius Black__. _

He opened it and couldn't help but smile at al the reminders of the rebel he once was.

…

_**He was a child, I was a child**_

_**Sentimental and wild**_

_**Now we're resting**_

_**Now we're resting**_

The bed shrieked under his weight as he sat down. His eye got caught by the flaming colours of the Gryffindor banner. Oh God.

_Do you __remember when we were young?_

Of course Sirius couldn't hear him_**,**_ but it just felt as if he should. One last conversation.

_Children. Our first years at Hogwarts._ _Sentimental and wild. Depending on which time of the month it was, one of us would be a little bit more sentimental or wild than the other. Although, you wouldn't admit it... but sentimental could've been your middle name. _

He smiled and patted the blankets_**; **_ they weren't even dusty.

_Those times are gone.__ We're old men now. Resting._

…

_**For twelve short years**_

_**We lived out of health**_

_**And of prosperous wealth**_

_**Oh my dearest**_

_**Oh my dearest**_

_Wasn't it a miracle how we became friends?_He shifted a bit. He couldn't help the__ tears escaping his eyes.God, he didn't want to cry.It felt as _**if**_ even his inner voice was trembling with grief.

_I doubt there were ever two people at Hogwarts so different.__ Your ever healthy sparkle, so unharmed, so pure. Me, damaged and skinny. You, rich, wealthy and so incredibl__**y**__ sophisticated. Me. Shabby, poor, garbage. Yes, it was weird. Two people so different, somehow managed to _develop_ a friendship. To grow in____love. Twelve years we lived in happiness, in luck. How short twelve years turned out to be._

…

_**My only portrait to remind you**_

_**My wine on your old cloak**_

_**My voice sustained in our piano**_

_**Comme les carillons **_

_**De notre nuit de noces**_

He dug down _**in**_ his pocket and pulled out an old picture. It was Sirius at James' and Lily's wedding. _It's the only picture I have left of you without anyone else. Just you._ _God, look how gorgeous you were. Are. Were._ _You could just as well say it was you getting married._

Remus cleared his throat. 'Do you remember?' His voice as if he hadn't spoken in ages. But somehow he felt the urge to say this out loud. One more time. Or maybe the first time. 'How you came on to me, after the feast? God were you beautiful. And I was so young and nervous. My hands were trembling so much that I knocked over my glass of wine. I couldn't believe someone like you… But you were. And you did. All the excuses I tried got drowned out by your mouth. By my hands as they leaned on the piano, making one hell of a sound. You laughed. We laughed. We took off to my apartment. And when the wedding bells rang that night, it wasn't just for James and Lily.

…

_**Heir of my illness, **_

_**Writer of all the stories and the words**_

_**That I'm haunting**_

_**That I'm haunting**_

'So many promises were made,' His voice got stuck in his throat. 'You. You could live with my problems. Every time you touched me, it was as if-'

_As__ if you____wrote words of trust and love on my skin._ _I can still feel them._

The bed shrieked once more as he stood up and walked around the room. His fingers sliding past the walls, the desk, the posters. If they could talk.

'Then everything went wrong. God. The stories and rumours still haunt my dreams,' he continued in _**a **_whisper. 'That you betrayed them.'

_As if you eve__r would. How could I be so blind__**?**_

His hand touched a pile of old newspapers.

_Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban._

_Sirius Black __seen in London._

Sirius Black. Sirius Black. Sirius Black.

In a spur of anger he swept the newspapers on_**to**_ the ground.

…

_**When your heart is on your sleeve**_

_**Then I'll bid you my sweet adieu**_

_**Don't forget me**_

_**Don't forget me**_

_Everything was on fire that moment in the Shrieking Shack.__ Remember? That one hug, one touch. And everything was forgiven and forgotten. Our friendship never died. But our love. We had to build it up from the very start. And it did start._

'Right here.' Remus turned around and let his eyes search the room. 'Right here. You took my hand so gently. Asking if we couldn't just try. Work it all out. That you'd never forgotten me. And that you never will, no matter what.'

He sank down to his knees.

'No matter what…'

_**The other woman to explain.**_

_**Her letters I deplore**_

_**I'm the flare inside your sorry dark eyes**_

_**And I'll leave you never more**_

You were glad I never found someone else. That I always waited for you. That I was only yours. Does that count when you're-'

_D__ead?_

'I can't be alone for the rest of my life. I need someone to care. Even if it's just once a month. She...'

_She's been sending me letters for some time now, Sirius.__ But it feels like betraying you. It hurts. I deplore my own thoughts as much as her girly handwriting. She offered me her love, Sirius. Your blood runs through her veins. Your cheery disposition. Your hyperactive and slightly childish character._

His fingers caressed the picture.

'It's the closest I'll ever get to you. When I look into her eyes, I see you. I can see myself reflected in them as I could in yours.'

_But I __promise_

He brought the picture to his lips and gently kissed it.

_I'll leave you nevermore._

_.._

Thank you for reading.

Your opinion is very welcome, so please review.

I will update 'Parttime Imaginary Friends' and 'Dukes and Servants' soon! 

Love,  
Beatlebug


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